Do Number Ka Badmash – Part II

Nisha “ohh.. nahi main niche so jaaungi” maine mann me socha “meri jaan niche to tumhe hi sona padega par farsh par nahi mere niche” mera plan bilkul pakka tha kisi chuk ka sawal hi nahi tha to maine usi bholepan se kaha “arre kyo hum bharputwalo ki mehmaan nawaji par batta laga rahi ho? achha ek kaam karte hai beech me ek takiya laga dete hai” wo meri baat se has padi “ek takiye se kya hoga?” “to do laga dete hai” maine kaha! wo kuch so rahi thi uske mann ki uljhan main achhi tarah janta tha “ohh.. abhi konsa need aa rahi hai chalo chhodo koi aur baat karo” maine kaha! hum dono bistar par beth gaye aur main bistar par shara laga kar betha tha aur nisha mere samne bethi thi aur pent me fasi uski chut ke aage ka bhag keram ki goti jitni duri me gila tha, saali firangi aur aunty ki chudai dekh kar puri garam ho gayi thi! usne baat chalu ki “jiju is nokari se pichha chhutega ya nahi? nokari badalne ka koi moka hai ya nahi?.

Aap to hath dekh kar bata dete hai” nisha ne hath aage badha diya, maine jhat se hath pakad liya! nisha pehle hath rekhaon aru bhagye aadi par vishvash nahi karti thi par jab se madhu ki sangat me aayi to thoda bahut bhagye aur sitaron ko manne lagi hai, uska shukar parvat to sudha aur makki se bhi uncha tha! hey bhagwaan aaj to tune meri lotri hi laga di aur uski hathe ke bich ek til dekh kar maine kaha “tumhare hath me ye jo til hai uske hisab se to tumhare pass dolat ko koi kami nahi hai” to wo boli “arre jiju aap bhi majak karte hai kaha hai mere pass dolat?” main “arre bahi hath ki rekhaye to yehi kehti hai! kya husan ki dolat kam hai tumhare pass?” nisha “jiju aap bhi na..” wo sharma gayi! achha.. fir boli “majak chhodo aur dhang ki baat bato na” maine usse puchha ki tumhari umar kitni hai to usne bataya ki wo 24 ki hai, main “kyo tum bhi madhu aur meri tarha mangalik ho?” nisha “haan kyo?”.

Main “arre bhai mangalik ki shaadi 24ve saal me ho jati hai” nisha “par main to abhi 5-7 saal shaadi nahi karungi” main “bhai mangal to yehi kehta hai aur agle 3 saal me tum 2 bachcho ki mummy bhi ban jaaogi” nisha “jiju aap bhi ek number ke badmash ho! majak chhodo aur koi thik baat bato na!!” main “arre isme jhuth kya hai” usne apni aankhe tedhi ki to maine kaha “achha chalo batao tumhare kitne boyfriend hai? kabhi unke sath film dekhti ho ya nahi?” nisha “nahi mera to koi boyfriend nahi hai” usne ankhe terate hue kaha! “arre fir is jawani aur zindagi ka kya fayda! main to ab bhi girlfriend ko lekar film dekhta hoon” nisha “kya matlab? kya aap ab bhi.. mera matlab..?” “arre bhai meri girlfriend to madhu hi hai” maine haste hue kaha “tum to janti ho main madhu se kitna pyaar karta hoon kai baar main aur madhu film dekhne jate hai to aisi acting karte hai ki jese college se bhag kar aaye ho!.

Aur hame dekh kar to bade buddho ke dil par samp dolne lagta hai” nisha “haan.. haan.. mujhe pata hai madhu didi batati haitum to unke pure ‘mitthu’ ho? wo batati hai ki aap shaadi ke itne saalo baad bhi lattu hi bane ho” usne mera majak udate hue kaha! main “tum kaho to tumhara bhi ‘mitthu’ ban jata hoon” nisha “main jhansi ki sherni hoon aise kaabu nahi aaungi mitthu ji?” usne aankhe niche karte hue kaha! maine mann me socha “meri jaan aaj ki raat tum jesi mena ke muh se hi bulwaungi boli meri mena gangaram” fir maine kaha “achha chalo batao tumhara wajan kitna hai?” nisha “uummm.. 48 kilo” main “mere hisab se to 21 kilo hona chahiye” nisha “kya matlab?” main “arre bhai sidhi baat hai dil ka 27 kilo to hata ji do fir asli wajan to 21 kilo hi raha nai?” nisha “to aap mante hai ki hum jhansi walo ka dil bda hota hai” usne chhati tante hue kaha! sachmuch uski ghundiyan khadi ho rahi thi.

Main “dil bada nahi pathhar ka hai” nisha “kya matlab?” main “chalo wo baad me bataunga” maine baat ko apne project ki aur modna chaha, “dekho ye sab jyotishiyon ka ganit hai prakriti ne sab chije apne hisab se banayi hai! sab chuje ek sahi anupaat me hoti hai usnhe to manna hi padega na?” nisha “wo kese?” main “ab dekho na bhagwaan ne hamari naak tumhare anguthe jitni banayi hai” usne herani se apni naak par hath lagaya aur meri aur dekhne lagi! main “vishvash nahi hota to naap kar dekh lo” maine pass rakha fita uski aur badha diya to usne apna angutha napa jo 7 cm nikla aur fir maine uski naak par fita rakh kar naap liya aur is doran main uske gaal chhune se baaj nahi aaya! kashmisri seb ho jese aur uski naak ka naap bhi 7 cm hi nikla, ab maine usse kaha ki apne kaan ki lambai naapo par ye kaam to mujhe hi karna tha to is baar maine uska dusra gaal bhi chhu liya.